c. 2024: Best Quotes - Inspiration, Life, Philosophy, Humor, Self-Help, Success

Latest update: June 15, 2024
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Lists of over 100 quotes, one-liners, sayings; funny, philosophical, life, insults, inspirational, success, change, more. For both knowledge and entertainment; also useful for Facebook, Twitter, memes, Pinterest, wall signs, office desks, bikes, bumper stickers, car windows, etc.

Actually, there are more than 100; new ones keep being added. You don't have to read them all at once; maybe a couple sub lists a day keeps the doctor away? Many of these random quotes are absolute truths; many of these quotes merely reference truths. Many of these quotes and one-liners are about life and philosophy; many are just for fun, insults, and entertainment. Some are original; some are well-known. Some will change your life; others will just make you fall down laughing. Some are understood immediately; some could take days. Many are indeed just humor and other entertainment, but some are serious. This can kind of be a thought-provoking exercise actually. If a quote or one-liner isn't funny, then is it serious? Only you can decide.

Sigmund Freud

Quotes List One: Reality, Humor, Life, Philosophy, etc.

Time and Space. Can't live with it. Can't live without it.
Entropy is a bitch.
Being informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.
Live in the now.
Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
Socrates asked too many questions.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
Black holes are where God divides by zero.
You are obviously a fine human being in your own right. And I mean that.
I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
If you observe this vehicle being operated in an unsafe manner, please try to think of it as one more anomaly in the cosmic order.
So many stupid people, so few asteroids.
I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life either.
Excess is never too much in moderation.
I didn't say it was your fault, I just said I was blaming you.
I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me.
Honk if you want to learn sign-language.
Bricks and rainbows, otherwise known as Life.
What do the letters in FEAR stand for? False. Evidence. Appearing. Real.
Let’s debate your existence. You take the negative.
Never believe generalizations.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Admit it when you are wrong. It makes life so much easier.
The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.
What holds attention determines action.
The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Proof evolution CAN go in reverse.
You’re a mess. But that’s ok.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Does anal retentive have a hyphen?
It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop.
Existence is a gift.
Existence is hell.
Hope, but never expect.
Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the "m" is silent.
There are times when it is better to just not care.

Quotes List Two: Humor, Inspirational, Life, Philosophy, Tech, Laments, etc.

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.
People generally see what they look for and hear what they listen for.
Actions indicate priorities.
Be someone who makes you happy.
Even my dog knows to reboot before calling tech support.
Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.
It is not necessary to react to everything you notice.
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Thank God I'm an atheist.
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the leather straps.
Driveway doesn't go all the way to the road.
In a battle of wits, I’m unarmed.
If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the precipitate.
Sometimes I am almost overwhelmed by my incredible perfection.
If you're happy and you know it, see a shrink.
Do not judge a person's story by the chapter you walked in on.
Be good to others for no reason.
Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
One-celled organisms out score me in IQ tests.
What? Am I here?
I don’t have ulcers, but I’m a carrier.
No Way Out.
Lost in America.
Complaining about a problem without proposing a solution is called whining.
Worry. God knows all about you.

Quotes List Three: Reality, Inspirational, Humor, Philosophy, Life, etc.

Hope is what you have left after reality has taken away everything else.
I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.
Be happy. It drives people crazy.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
This bumper sticker intentionally left blank.
Person of Interest.
I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.
The way nature is constructed, no living entity has any rights, just like non-living entities.
Life’s favorite chew-toy.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain.
The meek shall inherit the earth after we're through with it.
A single thread of hope is still a powerful thing.
Lawyers have feelings too, allegedly.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
So many cats, so few recipes.
Just remember... If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway.
Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
On your mark, get set, go away!
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.
You don't need to have it all figured out to move forward.
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
Let the past make you better, not bitter.
If you hate a person, then you are defeated by them.
Liberal Arts major. Will think for food.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Adjure obfuscation.
What we need is a patch for stupidity.
Always trust your gut. It knows what your head hasn't figured out yet.
Procrastinate now.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
Wherever you go, there you are.
Luck favors the prepared.
All that has passed and so shall this.

WebsiteWithNoName.com is For Sale!

Quotes List Four: Inspirational, Universe, Life, People, Humor, Philosophy, etc.

The best proof there is intelligent life in outer space is the fact it hasn’t come here.
I’d stalk you, but it’s been a long day.
The Tribbles are coming.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Just because I don't react, doesn't mean I didn't notice.
You have delusions of adequacy.
I love you more today than tomorrow.
An experiment in artificial stupidity.
I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
A person who feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected.
If at first you don’t succeed, the hell with it.
People who think they know it all really annoy those of us who do.
Well at least the war on the environment is going well.
Churches only worship the prophet margin.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
We are all lab rats.
Perspective.
Due to lack of interest, tomorrow has been cancelled.
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. Sometimes not.
If you don’t like the way I drive, then stay off the sidewalk.
My feminine side is lesbian.
Just say NO to negativity.
I thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
The winner of the rat race is still a rat.
Never get into a fight with an old person, they have nothing to lose.
I never thought I'd miss Nixon.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
I love animals. They're delicious.
The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.
A wise man once said nothing.
Dying is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
It's hard to beat a person who never gives up.
In order for opportunity to knock, one must provide a door.
Don't let he future and the past rob you of the present.

Quotes List Five: Humor, Life, People, Philosophy, Politics, Reality, Humor, etc.

I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Squirrels: Nature's speed bumps.
Armadillos: Texas speed bumps.
If a man states an opinion and there is no woman to hear it, is he still wrong?
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
You've survived 100% of everything in your life so far, so there is a pretty good chance you will survive whatever is next.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
If you are going to be "weird", be confident about it.
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I don't have a license to kill, but I do have a learner's permit.
I bring joy whenever I leave the room.
It's never too late for an apology.
Why does Hawaii have an interstate highway?
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot either.
Earth First! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her (or something like that).
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
Happiness is not trying or finding, it's deciding.
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
It's up to you.
Why not?
We repeat what we don't repair.
All I ask is the chance to prove money can't make me happy.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone else to blame.
Don't dumb it down.
Entropy always wins.
The past, the present, the future walk into a bar. It was tense.
There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

Quotes List Six: Life, People, Politics, Reality Humor, etc.

It’s never going to be perfect, so just get it done.
Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
Confuse your enemies. Be nice to them.
Opportunities come and go, problems accumulate.
Vote Democrat - it's easier than working!
Vote Republican - it's easier than thinking!
You can ignore reality, but reality won't ignore you.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
Old age comes at a bad time.
I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.
In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
I'm an old person. Cut me some slack.
Exist on your own terms.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
I’m tall, but I’m worth the climb.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
Why do the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Life would be easier if I had the source code.
Hang up and drive.
Polar bears club baby seals.
God must love stupid people. He made so many of them.
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Know when to walk away. Know when to run.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom; until we see them in the rear view mirror.

Quotes List Seven: Humor, Life, Reality, etc.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
Sometimes a perceived problem turns out to be a gift.
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
Don't measure my intelligence on your ability to understand me.
You! Off my planet.
I'm not tense; just terribly, terribly alert.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
If you are what you eat; I'm fast, cheap, and easy.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
Warning: dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Sarcasm is just one more service I provide.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Embarrassed about something? They'll get over it.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Life is hard. It's harder if you're stupid.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
Most of what you worry about will never happen.
Suck it up aka man up.
I have a superpower. I never quit.
I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil twin.
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
Earth is full. Go home.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
Chaos, panic, disorder - my work here is done.
Getting on your feet means getting off your butt.
Some things are more important than money. And they all cost money.
Never argue with reality.
Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.
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The fatal flaw of logic is it presupposes awareness of all relevant premises.

Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

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c. 2024

Best Quotes - Inspiration, Life, Philosophy, Humor, Self-Help, Success - Perfect for Memes